Written Confession: Comfort from Beyond
The following written confession was submitted via email:
I truly believe that all are connected or sensitive in some form. I have always had the connection to those close to me when I can call and ask someone what is wrong and they will ask how I knew. I got it from my mom. We live 3,000 miles away and she still has the innate ability to call me when she knows something is wrong.
You have heard things like that hundreds if not thousands of times I am sure. But, I have two experiences that I hold near and dear to my heart.
In 2014 my niece killed herself during a fight with her parents. She was so young -- only 19 at the time. She had struggled with mental illness her whole life and had attempted before, but never with a gun. It ripped the hearts out of our chests to hear the news. I had been raised Mormon and the majority of my family is Mormon, so the service was in a Mormon church. I had had this internal struggle and deep despair wondering if the death by suicide meant that she was in hell. It kept me up at night. How could a sweet girl that struggled so hard deserve hell for something she did in a rash moment? I made it to the service in the church and I was sitting there pondering this yet again... I quitted myself and closed my eyes and mentally just asked her... I asked her if she was ok. (I sound crazy --- I know!).
In that moment I felt a physical presence wrap their arms around me. I felt warmth, I felt the pressure of an arm squeeze, similar to someone coming up behind you and wrapping an arm around your chest and shoulders and an overwhelming wash of peace and warmth in my heart. And I know she is ok because of that. I know it was her.
The second time happened this last fall when we got the news that my friend John was in the hospital for a heartattack. It was shocking to hear for a 38 old with no health complications. His wife Tsveti told me that he had coded before EMS arrived and they were able to bring him back, then lost him again in the hospital where they intubated him. Everyone in our group of friends was sure that he would come out of it and be ok. I kept wondering and wondering. We kept in touch all night texting and calling waiting to get news. My husband went to bed and I sat alone in the garage chain smoking and fretting when I stopped. I felt something shift. I closed my eyes quieted my mind and asked john if he was gone...
Again -- It felt like someone was embracing me, this time more of side squeeze feeling and sadness. We got the text in the morning that he had died during the night, he could not or would not survive without machines.
Those are my stories. I don't claim to be a psychic. I don't know how to harness these experiences for good (or for evil in that matter). I don't even know if I could replicate it. I don't know what made me quiet my mind -- it's no easy feat for the stress ball that I am. It just... happened. ESP maybe on a good day? Worst case scenario grandiose delusions to deal with grief. In any case two special people answered me and let me know and I'll never forget it.
